apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
