I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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