The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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