its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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