yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And then he peed in my hair
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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