ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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