the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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