i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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