im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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