nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
