the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
