life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's rum buckets o'clock
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
