He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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