belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
