If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
