She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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