The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
