Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
