Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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