So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
