To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
