She is in my trunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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