I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
