is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
