oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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