yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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