you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
