is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
