Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
