You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Damn victory sex feels great
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
