The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
