i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
