we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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