you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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