Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
