Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
