:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
