you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
