It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
