I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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