Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
