As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
