I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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