You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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