It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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