Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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