also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
