dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
