I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
