At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
