I wish life had little blips of pornography
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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