MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
