can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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