I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
