I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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