I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
