She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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