martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
