My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
