My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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