Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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