i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
