If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
