:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
