yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
