epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
