i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
