Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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