Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
