Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
